How did this song come about?
This song sort of came out nowhere! Both Zooey and I are in super healthy and happy relationships, so it’s kind of funny that I wrote this heartbreak of a song about a couple who is completely falling apart! When writing this song, there were these words floating around my head: “Be careful not to take your partner for granted”. These words have stuck with me and have translated into something I try to practice every day. I have Mumma Bear to thank for this - I have a vivid memory of her sitting me down at a young age and explaining to me how important it was to acknowledge your partner and never take them for granted. And some great advice it was!
So, when these words were bouncing around in my head, I was sitting at the keyboard and before I knew it this song bubbled its way out onto the keys, and quickly scribbled its way onto paper. It was one of the first songs I had written in over five years. I don’t know why I stopped writing. Too busy? Self-doubt? Scared? Who knows. But I am certainly happy I was able to pick up my pen and paper and dance my fingers over the keyboard to produce what is one of my favourite songs I’ve written!
When Franny first showed me this heartbreak of a song I was like, “Dayum, girrrl! Do we need to talk? Please tell me you and Tomer are okay!!?” She assured me they were more than fine and I breathed a sigh of relief! This song immediately resonated with me. Growing up with divorced parents instilled within me a determination to never raise a broken family of my own. For me this song is special as it really captures, and translates to the listener, a feeling of hopelessness and despair at a relationship that has lost its way. Working with this song helped me to reflect on my own fears and hopes about being in a long-term relationship, and helped to consolidate my existing belief of always doing what I could to nurture my own relationships.
The songwriting process – how does the magic happen?
For those of you interested in my songwriting process, here’s a short explanation of what it is to me. Songwriting for me is not always the same. It’s definitely a therapeutic practice and an expression of what I am feeling in that moment, but sometimes, as happened with My Love, it pours out of me. Other times it takes days, maybe weeks to finish a song. It varies and is up and down like a roller coaster. Usually I will feel a niggle inside of me which signifies a light bulb moment that I should act on, and more likely than not, I’ll have a song, or at least the beginnings of a song, by the end of the day.
Break it down, sista’ - song analysis!
Franny and Zooey:
The song depicts a couple having a breakdown in communication over dinner, and we never hear the other side of the story, that is, what the partner is feeling and thinking. It’s as if the narrator is talking to a wall. This one-sided conversation almost becomes a plea to the partner. They have realised that the relationship is fractured, perhaps beyond repair, and are begging their partner to answer the question of where their relationship went wrong.
We don’t have any technical terms for what this style of writing is, but perhaps we’d call it a monologue-based form of writing, in which the lyrics are meant to convey the narrators inability to reach their partner. The lyrics used in this song are deliberately straightforward and to the point, painting a vivid image for the listener. This monologue-based style of writing is effective in bringing the story of this broken relationship to life. The emotive language within the lyrics also helps to engage the listener and make the song relatable.
The topic – Relationships! What is our experience?
Franny and Zooey:
This brings us to the overarching theme of ‘My Love’ - relationships. Boy, can they be confusing and hard work at times! I think when you find yourself in a truly happy and healthy relationship though, you just know it! We can vouch for this, both currently being in pretty long-term relationships.
Tomer and I have been together for almost 7 years. I know… Crazy, Stupid, Love! The sort everyone wishes for!
I married the love of my life, Charlie, just over 6 weeks ago. Love him to BITS!
Franny and Zooey:
But let us tell you - it’s been no bed of roses (Queen anyone?Hehe.). Relationships take work and time to build, and sometimes rebuild. Our relationships didn’t happen overnight and there have been many ups and downs. It’s taken work and dedication to get to where we are now, and continues to do so.
We both know a lot of people who are in unhappy relationships and a lot of the time it does seem that each of them has forgotten to appreciate what the other brings to the relationship. It’s easy to see how that would come about – you’re in this long-term relationship and by this stage you’ve passed the stage of all those crazy chemicals and hormones surging through you. What you’re left with is a more real representation of who that person is and that can be totally overwhelming! We get that. But, if you have managed to build a strong foundation and a solid friendship, we really do believe you can move past anything. Now, in no way are we relationship gurus, but we thought we’d briefly touch on what a healthy relationship looks like (at least in our experience):
If you feel like you are undervalued, not heard or don’t feel like you can voice your opinion, this could indicate an oppressive relationship. You should not feel like you need to prove something in order for your partner to be proud of you or show you some attention. What you should be, and hopefully are feeling, is loved. If you feel like your opinion and ideas hold weight, and your partner takes the time to listen to you, then you know that’s a healthy relationship. If your partner takes the time to show you they value you through something as simple as a warm embrace, or a surprise date, or a thoughtful letter, then you know something is working. You should never feel like you are unworthy of your partner’s love and attention.
You are ENOUGH! If you feel like you are constantly being compared to others and you seem to never match up to your partner’s ‘ideal’, this can be incredibly damaging for your self-esteem. Everyone is their own unique selves, and never should you feel like you are not good enough, not attractive enough, not smart enough, not funny enough... the list goes on. We have both definitely felt this in past relationships and it doesn’t matter how many times you try to change something about you to fit a ‘mould’, you’ll never feel good enough because ultimately you’re not being accepted for who you truly are. You are you! And if your partner cannot see the beautiful person you are (inside and out), then that is their loss.
Appreciate each other! We believe one of the MOST important things to remember in any relationship is to appreciate the small things and voice them! Never take your partner for granted. They may be infuriating at times, (and do remember you probably are too), and you will have arguments, but remember to appreciate all those wonderful things that make them uniquely them. Not only that, but appreciate the things that they bring to the relationship and the efforts they go to when showing you they care and love you - whether that is cooking a dinner, doing the grocery shopping, making time for date nights, giving you a massage, etc. Remember the things you are grateful for and voice them!
Spending time apart is not always a bad thing! Having hobbies and social get-togethers doesn’t always have to involve the both of you.
In fact, I love having hobbies and gatherings that don’t always involve Tomer. It’s nice to embrace some independence and have your partner be happy for you and be encouraging and nurturing of that.
Tell your partner you love them. This is a big one for us.
Charlie and I say we love each other a ridiculous amount (maybe 100 times a day)!!! I seriously just love loving Charlie! I remember feeling so worried at the start of our relationship that he would be overwhelmed by my expressions of love, but it turns out he is just as lovey dovey as me…Shhh, don’t tell him I said that ;)
I don’t think I have missed a day where I have not told Tomer I love him. I know this is not for everyone, but for me, this one is hugely important. I want Tomer to know that I love him and this really helps to ground us and take a moment each day to appreciate the other.
We’d love to hear your experiences, whether they are different or the same as ours and how/if you’ve managed to overcome certain challenges. If you have any suggestions about what you feel makes a loving and healthy relationship, comment below!
View our music video of My Love below: